1. A person is lying across the railway tracks with a bottle of whisky and tandoori chicken within reach. A passerby asks why he is doing so when a train might come across at any moment. "Because I want to commit suicide", replies the person. The passerby then asks about the food and drink nearby. "Why not? You can't rely on trains running on time anymore. You don't expect me to die of hunger and thirst, do you?"

2. Judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them.

The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants.

The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty.

Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door.

The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."

3. After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is woken up by some knocks on the door of the cab.

"Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger.

"Yeah, it's 4:30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he is woken up again by another jogger who wants to know the time. "It's 4:40!" yells the trucker.

Deciding to really try to sleep a little, he writes on a piece of paper: I DON'T KNOW THE TIME. He sticks the paper on his windshield.

But he is woken up again. 'It's 5:25," says another jogger.